Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
