Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
