If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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