if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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