what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
A bitchslap is in order.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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