My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my phone needs a breathalizer
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
