ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
