so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
