Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
