"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
