Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
