jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
