Just took my morning after pill in the library
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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