Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize