I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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