I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
