I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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