So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
