we should wear snuggies to the strip club
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
