You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
