So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
