That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
