well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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