Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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