my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
