what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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