I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I got her a Nickelback box set.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
