The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
