sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
