My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
