I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize