I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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