You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
