so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
