There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do vagina's smell?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize