just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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