I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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