It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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