omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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