You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
