Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
