Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
