we're chasing vodka with high fives
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
