You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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