you guys were way drunker than both of me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
