a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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