is your mom at the bar?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
