Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
