ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You ruined the universe
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
