all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize