She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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