Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
