Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
