im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
