Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
...so i touched it.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
