So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
