No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
