Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
