so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize