party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
