dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
