so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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