I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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