This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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