you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
