I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
