i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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