I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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