i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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