HIV tests are more positive than that guy
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
