We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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