i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize