go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
