her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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