Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
