How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
