well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
