I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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