I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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