Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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